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Monthly Archives: May 2011

New Article on Therapeutic Consulting

Posted an article today titled “Therapeutic Consulting For Teens And Young Adults?”. It talks about who therapeutic consultants are, what we do, and how we can help families. For all of those who already know what we do, please leave a comment telling us what we forgot. And for all of those who are somewhat murky on the subject, let us know if you now feel fully educated. Of course there will still be lots of questions, but we’re all ears of course!

On a related note, I’d like to mention I spent the last week visiting programs in Arizona. I had many positive experiences and I’d especially like to extend a big “Thank You!” to the following, in no particular order, for hosting me:

Some of you may have noticed the blog posts are starting to slow down. As much as I love writing them I have to say that things are really starting to pick up and I simply don’t have the time to write a post every single day. Thankfully, busy is good and I’ll do my best to keep up.
 

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Bullying And Being Bullied: A Growing Problem

Bullying has been a hot topic in the news recently as the case of Phoebe Prince was brought to light by the media. For those who have not heard about it, the Associated Press printed the story on May 9th.  In this story, they reported that “Phoebe Prince was a recently arrived Irish immigrant, 15 and emotionally fragile, when high school bullying over two boys she dated apparently drove her to hang herself with a scarf in her Massachusetts home.” While her story is severe, it brings to light just how serious of a problem bullying has become. Bullying was once thought to be a normal part of growing up, but it has come to light that it can also have dire consequences. While there are a lot of states that have laws and schools that have rules protecting victims of bullying, this is simply not enough. Parents, teachers, and the local community must make the prevention of bullying a priority.  Our commitment should start in the elementary school years and extending throughout our formalized education system. Getting involved to stop bullying starts with understanding bullying.

What is Bullying?
Education.com defines bullying as

  • An intentional act. The child who bullies wants to harm the victim; it is no accident.
  • Characterized by repeat occurrences. Bullying is not generally considered a random act, nor a single incident.
  • A power differential. A fight between two kids of equal power is not bullying; bullying is a fight where the child who bullies has some advantage or power over the child who is victimized.

Bullying may take place face-to-face, on the playground, or in the classroom. Bullying behaviors may be physical – kicking, hitting, spitting. The behaviors may be verbal – teasing, name calling, and threats or it can also happen online – this is considered cyber-bullying.

Bullying has no boundaries, it happens regardless of socioeconomic conditions, gender, race, religion.  With that being said, it tends to happen differently between the genders.  Boys, as with most of their interactions, tend to be more physical with their bullying.  Girls on the other hand, tend to be more indirect with their bullying, for example trying to ruin other girl’s reputations.

Even though boys and girls bully differently, the signs that your child may be the victim of bullying are the same. Bullying is something that kids often feel ashamed about so don’t share it directly with parents. As with other problems, parents know their kids and have to trust themselves if they feel something is not as it should be. Some of the signs parents can look for are anxiety and concerns about safety, general sadness, low self esteem, aggression, loss of items with no explanation, physical complaints (headaches, stomach aches etc.), avoiding recess or being at school during free times, and frequent unexplained injuries to self or property.

What can parents do if they suspect their child is being bullied?
  1. Parents need to listen to their child, be supportive, believe your child, and try not to be judgmental about the situation.
  2. Make school officials aware of the situation so they can ensure your child’s safety at school. They can also access information on bullying and add it to the the curriculum to help all students feel empowered to address bullying.
  3. Parents need to avoid aggressive responses and try to maintain a calm emotionally appropriate response. This modeling behavior will help your child to learn how to behave in these difficult situations.
What can parents do if their child is the bully?
  1. Talk with your child and help them to become aware that their behavior is hurting other kids. Talk to them about what they do with their friends, the games they play, how they treat one another. Work with your child to give them alternative ways to show their leadership and strength.
  2. Examine the behaviors in the home, are they aggressive? If so, work on new ways to communicate more effectively. Your child will model the behaviors s/he sees at home. Create rules at home to support this and create a zero-tolerance for bullying policy in the home.
  3. Talk with the school to get a better understanding of the behaviors they are seeing and how it is being addressed. Open communication is the best way to have an understanding so that home and school can send a consistent message.
If your child is bullying or being bullied, Prepare To Bloom, LLC may be able help.
Therapeutic and Educational consultants are professionals who may be able to help to locate appropriate resources for your family. To learn more, check out our website at PrepareToBloom.com or speak with a consultant now by calling us at (650)-888-4575. In addition, there are a lot of resources for parents and school officials on the web to learn more about bullying and prevention. Education.com is very comprehensive with regards to bullying and how to prevent it in your school or community. Also, to learn more about what the California Department of Education has to say about bullying, check out http://www.cde.ca.gov/ls/ss/se/bullyingprev.asp.
 
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Posted by on May 11, 2011 in Families, News, Parenting

 

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Parenting in the Age of Entitlement

First of all, to all the mother’s reading this post, may you have a wonderful and very special Mother’s day. I think today’s topic of entitlement is fitting for such a day.

We live in an age of instant gratification. If we want something to eat we are surrounded with a multitude of options. If we want to watch a particular television program we can now stream the video online through Netflix or use On Demand. If we want to share exciting news all we have to do is get online. It is no wonder that kids are growing up expecting instant gratification for every wish they have. This sense of deserving every whim or wish creates this sense of entitlement.

Many of the parents that I work with are concerned about issues of entitlement.  It may be that their child is asking for an increased allowance, the latest phone, or a new car for their birthday.  Regardless of the request, the real problem lies in the fact that the child believes that they are owed these things just for being.

Parents can start early to help give their kids the skills to combat this problem.  Parents have the responsibility to provide shelter, food, emotional support, education, play, fun, clothing, and fair treatment. In contrast they are not responsible for providing everything their child’s friends already have, extended curfews, new gadgets or additional money just because they are older.

The problem with this attitude is that the child has not made the connection between their efforts to achieve something and the internal sense of satisfaction once that goal is reached.  The larger problem is that teens and young adults who grow up with indulgent parents struggle to learn how to handle their feeling, and delayed gratification.

Raising children who are entitlement-free is quite a challenge, but there are a few things that parents can begin to do now.  The earlier that parents start the better –

  • Allowance or no allowance – To give your child an allowance is a parenting choice. However, allowance should be earned. There are age appropriate tasks that kids can do such as taking out the trash, dusting, or vacuuming.
  • Savings –  Teaching kids to save their allowance to buy the toys they desire will help to instill a sense of accomplishment.  It can also lead to teaching them about financial responsibility.
  • Saying “Yes”- It is OK to say yes to requests your child makes that they are not able to achieve themselves. It is also understandable to indulge from time to time for special occasions.
  • Don’t just say “no”- Help your child to understand your decision making process by explaining to them why their request in inappropriate. Then you have the opportunity to allow your child to earn what they are wanting on their own.
Parenting is one of the most challenging tasks out there and can be very complicated.  Whether you are looking for support, guidance or coaching Prepare To Bloom, LLC may be able to help.  Please check out our website at PrepareToBloom.com or call us at (650)888-4575.
 
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Posted by on May 8, 2011 in Families, Parenting

 

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One of every Twelve Teens Suffer from Anxiety

The National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH) reports that in the U.S., about 8 percent of adolescents (13-18 years old) are experiencing a diagnosable anxiety disorder. They further report that while most of these teens have been experiencing symptoms since the age of 6, only 18 percent of them have received treatment for their symptoms. Some anxiety is quite normal, for example becoming anxious prior to an important exam. In contrast to this rather short lived experience of anxiety, the symptoms for teens who are experiencing anxiety disorders typically last at least six months, and may increase without proper treatment and support.

While there are a range of psychotropic medications used to help those with anxiety disorders: “The Child/Adolescent Anxiety Multimodal Study (CAMS), in addition to other studies on treating childhood anxiety disorders, found that high-quality cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), given with or without medication, can effectively treat anxiety disorders in children. One small study even found that a behavioral therapy designed to treat social phobia in children was more effective than an antidepressant medication.”

Parents need to know what to look for to identify that their child or teen may be struggling with anxiety.

What to look for:

  • Body Aches – Complaints of stomach aches, headaches, tooth aches or other body pains that do not have physical reasons. Always make sure you listen to your child and check out the possible physical reasons for the complaint.
  • Changes at school – When the “A” student starts to get in trouble, or refuses to go to school, it is time to look into the issues further
  • Attitude – Some moodiness is expected as children move into their teen years, but excessive mood swings or changes in attitude can signal a problem.
  • New Habits – Be aware if all of a sudden your child begins to bite their nails, or shake their legs, all of these nervous twitches and habits are their way of letting you know that something more is going on.
While teen anxiety can be confusing, parents can find resources who can help.  There are treatment options locally and nationally that work with teens struggling with anxiety disorders. Whether you’re looking for a therapist or a treatment program or would like more information about therapeutic and educational consulting, Prepare To Bloom, LLC can help. Please give us a call at 650-888-4575 or visit PrepareToBloom.com for more information.
 

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